Be Your Own Wingman

“You’re not seeing the reality of the situation”, I was told the other day as I was intentionally focusing on finding the positives.
“But it’s not real.” As if I didn’t hear him the first time…

Whether on radio, or at workshops or meetings, I have been very vocal about my practice of consciously focusing on seeing positives.  I find the more I practice, the more “unconsciously efficient” I become at seeing positives.
The power of small simple practices can not be over estimated and I’m surprised at how easy and natural it has become.

I’m also well aware of how much more practice is needed.
And so I continue.

One such practice on which I’m currently working, is on shifting my perception.
I have found so much of my “reality”, is totally based on my perception of my reality.
And I’ve learned how my “perception” can so often be easily shifted.
One example is when I did a 10 day fruit and vegetable fast. My perception of eating changed drastically to where I no longer cared about food, only nutrition.
In only 10 days.

Have you ever had a situation where you were 100% certain, and, in the next moment, your “reality” was the exact opposite. Understanding that my perception can so easily shift, I decided it would be wise to consciously practice choosing the direction I want to move my perception.

A trusted wingman recently sent me an article from NPR news about a study discussing, for lack of a better term, the power of positive perception.

Jessica Witt, a psychologist at Purdue University who researches how perception and performance are related, decided to look at the game of golf. She found how the appearance of the hole changes depending on whether you are playing well or poorly and decided to see if one could improve their golf score, simply by altering their perception.

In her lab, she made an artificial putting green and used an optical illusion to make the hole appear larger or smaller than it really was. This optical trick (see below) is called the Ebbinghaus illusion and you can see how it appears to change the size of the center hole. She found when people perceived the hole to be larger, they were more successful at making their putts.

This study fascinates me. If shifting one’s perception is all that is needed to improve one’s golf score, then doesn’t it follow that by varying my perception, I too can achieve better results in my professional and/or personal life? I believe it clearly demonstrates that my outcome can be improved by changing my perception.

Have a sales call today?
See your prospect as wanting to do business with you.
Have a mountain of paperwork to get through?
Try perceiving it as a smaller pile.
Meeting with your boss, or your employee?
Look at it through their eyes for one minute.

Whatever your challenge, try altering your perception, even for just one minute.
You too, will be amazed at the results, and how easy it is for your momentum to swing, your confidence to increase, and your “reality” to improve.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation
Michael

I would like to thank those of you who replied to my last blog/email entitled, “When I enjoy playing, I play better”.
The above comment, from a loved one and family member, demonstrates how simple this really is. Here is my answer.

My Dear Mr. Watson,

You are so correct.
Amazing, isn’t it? How simple life really is?
And how, intellectually speaking, we all know it so well.

That’s what makes it so puzzling.
How we all know it, yet, very few of us actually live it.
How we can all speak it, but we don’t act it.
How, instead of being thankful for what we have, we focus on what we don’t.
How simple it really is, and how difficult we make it.

I am thrilled by your “No shit Sherlock” comment and the fact that you grasp this so easily.Again, most people recognize and agree with the logic of it.

The difficulty seems to be the consistency, which I know I have struggled with.
That is why I have developed so many different practices and make sure to do at least one each day.  For while I enjoy discussing it academically, I have found I’m at my best when I actually practice living it.

Therefore…

I now consciously practice looking for positives in whatever situation I’m in.
I now consciously practice thinking better feeling thoughts.
I now consciously practice seeing myself as I want to be seen.
I now consciously practice saying thank you for what I have and for the lessons I have learned.

I hope these practices help you as much as they’ve helped me.
Thanks for letting me be your wingman today.

In Appreciation,
Michael

When I enjoy playing, I play better.
When I enjoy working, I work better.
When I enjoy exercising, I exercise better.
When I enjoy learning, I learn better.

Do you find this to be true?
When you enjoy what you’re doing, do you find you do it better?
I know I do.

When I enjoy selling, I sell better.
When I enjoy teaching, I teach better.
When I enjoy writing, I write better.

The question I ask myself then, is how?  How does one “enjoy” the doing, when there are goals to be achieved, sales quotas to be met and deadlines to be adhered to.

What works for me are my practices that help keep me in a positive frame of mind.
One such practice is simply named “Finding the Positive” and I actually practice finding something good about the circumstances, something I can be thankful for.
Once I uncover one positive, more seem to follow.
Perhaps these practices will work for you as well.

Btw… When I enjoy practicing, I practice better.

How about those times it seems more difficult to “enjoy” …
For instance, the salesman who is worried and focused about meeting his quota is not “enjoying” selling. How does he change his focus so he now “enjoys” the sales process?

By finding the positive.
By shifting his focus to those parts of the job he really enjoys.
Perhaps it’s his belief in his product or service?
Perhaps it’s the people he works with or the freedom his job affords him?
Perhaps it’s the challenge of helping others?
Or perhaps it’s his paycheck?

Whatever it is, when he enjoys his work, he works better.
How about you?

What do you do?
When you enjoy _________ing, you’ll _________ better.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

On this 10^th and final day of our 10 day challenge, I thank each of you for reading this and holding me to some measure of accountability. Today’s practice is perfect for the last day of a challenge like this. “Keep Your Discipline Rolling”.

We all know how easy it is to stop your routine, how it often becomes either mentally tiring or just physically boring, be it going to the gym, eating a certain way, practicing seeing positives, quieting your mind, or whatever it is you do.

Keeping your discipline rolling doesn’t mean you don’t take a vacation day or even a week. It does mean when you realize you haven’t been physically exercising or you just had a great cheese steak (with fries and a milkshake), you get back on your game.  You pick up the ball and start practicing immediately, i.e. get back on your eating plan, go to the gym, or practice seeing positives and quieting your mind.

It’s really quite simple, but for some reason we make it far more difficult.
Just start anew. Broke your diet? Start back on it. Haven’t exercised, put on your walking shoes and go for a walk. 
Nike may have said it best with their ad slogan, “Just Do It”.

This 10 day challenge has helped me tremendously. While I will take a short break from writing this blog, it has shown me that I can write everyday.
And knowing that feels really good to me.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

I’m starting to notice the more I am able to allow, the better chance of my desired outcome actually happening. I have struggled with this concept and therefore have developed a few practices to help me be more proficient at it.

The continuum is one such practice and one I will be practicing today.
It works like this…

1) I have a desire. I want something to happen.
2) I acknowledge I want this desired outcome.
3) Here’s the tricky part, I try to become aware of where I am on the continuum of wanting vs. allowing. Am I wanting it so badly that I’m actually resisting it, almost forcing any other outcome than that which I desire? Or am I able to sit with my desire, and just allow it to happen.

Do you know the feeling I’m speaking of? One example might be when you want your child to listen to you so badly that you don’t stop talking long enough to hear what they have to say.

As I said, I have struggled with this. For to get to the point of allowing I must first have a desire. I have noticed when I am able to allow my requests to come about, they seem to materialize much easier than when I can’t get past the wanting.

I realized for me, the wording is important. When I notice I am too close to wanting on my continuum, and not close enough to allowing, I INVITE my aspiration to transpire and leave it at that.

Let me give you a current example Three months ago on Talk-N-Angels Radio Show, I had the opportunity to interview Dr. Bernie Siegel, the brilliant author of, “Love, Medicine and Miracles” as well as his new book, “A Book of Miracles”. It turns out he lives in Woodbridge, Ct. and I will be driving up there next month to visit family. I would like to have lunch with him so I sent him an email, inviting him to have lunch with me. In inviting him, I have put my desire out there. To do anything more (a phone call or second email) would more likely damage my chances for my desired outcome. I have put it out there by inviting him. I now must just allow it to take place.

Today, I will practice moving closer to allowing.
You should give it a try as well.

Thanks for allowing me to be your wingman today.
In Appreciation,
Michael

“The next best thing to playing and winning, is playing and losing”

I can assure you at the moment I’m leaving a poker room, if I’m leaving with less money then I arrived with, I’m not thinking this quote is entirely accurate. If I’ve lost money at the tables that day, I’m more likely to be disappointed, hurt, irritated, pissed, frustrated, angry, etc. The emotions I’m feeling fall squarely on the side of negative. It is at those times I utilize some of my practices to help me get back into a better, more positive mood.

However, as I’ve often said, “For me, a poker room is like a classroom of life”.
And so if I transcribe this saying to…

“Life, the next best thing to playing and winning, is playing and losing”

I begin to understand it better.
I start to realize life is not about winning or losing, it’s about PLAYING.

And so for today’s practice I would like you to join me in playing something, play a game, play an instrument, play with a friend or better, play at work. I’m not saying to regard your work as frivolous; when I say “play at work” I mean enjoy your work today. Enjoy what you have chosen to do to earn a living just for today.

Today, I’m going to practice playing the game of my life by practicing finding joy in each situation I encounter.

I hope you enjoy today, and thanks for letting me be your wingman.
In Appreciation,
Michael